so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
