I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
