she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize