I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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