Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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