Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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