I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't deserve a penis
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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