Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
