Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
