i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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