Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You can't just leave with hair like that
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
