I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
