ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
