dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Randomize
