turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
