i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
