At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
