I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I didn't shave. On purpose
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
