It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize