Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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