It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
