Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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