remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
