arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Randomize
