is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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