I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
