ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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