He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
