I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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