What did we do last night that was yellow?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
