Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
