Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
