I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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