yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
