ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
