Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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