How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize