dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize