This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
