I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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