you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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