Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
