woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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