dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
