i permit you to call me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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