Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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