U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
