I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
