I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
