Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
