i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
