so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
