well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
