One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
