god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
