God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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