I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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