I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
