she woke up with a sticky ear
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
