I want to walk on stilts...naked
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
