my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
