he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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