dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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