I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
