why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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