So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
