Your dad touched me again.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
