Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
