she looked like the before picture.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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