Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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