I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize