woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize