Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
