Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
