yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
